erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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