Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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