Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize