I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
