I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
