Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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