Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
