My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
