well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
