I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Randomize
