There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
