piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
