dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
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Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
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I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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