My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
