sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Pants 0. Shit 1.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
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please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster