hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
