Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
