He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
high people should be assigned attendants
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
