I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
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I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
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Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.