You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.