i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.