Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
