You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
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These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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