so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize
