You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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