man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
