Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
