Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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