Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
