I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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