While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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