The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
