A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
