my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
