Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
