Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
