my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize