He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
