Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
