i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
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we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
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My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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