I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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