You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
