She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
