i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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