After last night, I could never be a politician.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
