You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
