you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Randomize
