I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
