So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
