Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
