I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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