She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
two words...techno handjob
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
