Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
