He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
