My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
