i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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