she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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