My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
if only i could text you this smell
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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