I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
