You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
