member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
