I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
