Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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