Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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