Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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