Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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