You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He shit in the fireplace
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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