we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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