it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize