your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
