your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
