What did we do last night that was yellow?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
