Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
