Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
