I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
