just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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