Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
