Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
