I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
