well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
