So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
