she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
