So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
this is an emotional support booty call
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