Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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