i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
